


baby, hold on to my heart

by tightropeofhope



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Declarations Of Love, Dorks in Love, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining, OT5 Friendship, POV Harry, Rings, so many nicknames ohmygod, terms of endearment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-12-27 19:28:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12087792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tightropeofhope/pseuds/tightropeofhope
Summary: Here was the dilemma: Louis and Harry were out with their mates window shopping because there was nothing else to do and Louis brought an antique ring, hoping to pawn it off to get some quick cash. It was a small, old thing, all rusted and gold, but it had its charm. The owner didn't take it because of the minuscule crack down the middle of the jewel, so Louis just shrugged and handed it to Harry without a thought.—•—Louis gives Harry a ring as a joke, but Harry starts wearing the ring everywhere he goes.





	baby, hold on to my heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [withthethieves](https://archiveofourown.org/users/withthethieves/gifts).



> the title was taken from strong :))) because i love pain. this is for my darling eden :D sorry this took me literally forever and it's not even long but anyways have fun!!! for the sake of the fic, i aged up ernest and doris a bit (or else they wouldn't be alive by this time akdhfgsjhkdfg- harrys 18 and louis 20). i edited this literally today so all errors are mine r i p
> 
> Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc., are the property of their respective owners. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Harry doesn’t remember a moment in his life that didn’t involve Louis. To be fair, he met Louis at the tender age of five years old and fell in love with him, so his previous years were bound to be a blur in his mind anyway. But it was the sentiment that mattered, right? He knew he sounded pretty daft. Honestly what universe does someone fall in love at that age? Well, Harry, the rule breaker he was, did just that. 

Harry could remember when he had fallen down the slide at the playground and started to cry. His mum was busy getting Gemma to stop running away from her sight, so his tears were left unseen. His bottom lip wobbled and the scrapes on his knee hurt really bad. He had just started to hiccup from his sobs when a boy with bright blue, ocean eyes asked, brushing off the dirt on his clothes, “You okay?”

Harry shook his head and pointed at his bloodied knee. 

“Where’s your mummy? What’s your name? Mine’s Louis,” he said, and crouched down to meet Harry’s eyes. Harry’s stream of tears had stopped because Louis’ eyes were _really_ blue and they acted as a great distraction. He let out a shaky giggle because Louis’ voice sounded like a pretty bird before he introduced himself, “Hi, ‘m Harry. My mummy’s over there with my sister Gemma over by the benches.” Harry pointed out his mother who looked exasperated at Gemma’s antics and Louis nodded seriously.

“I’ll go get her then. I don’t have any plasters with me. I’ll be right back, okay?” Louis said and at Harry’s nod, he bounded off. 

Not so long after his mum rushed over and smothered him, cleaning up his wounds and kissing them. She turned towards Louis and smiled, relief clear across her face. “Thank you, Louis.” Then she turned towards Louis’ mum who appeared after she saw the commotion. “You have such a sweet son…”

“Jay,” Louis’ mum offered with a grin, shaking the proffered hand.

“Jay. I’m Anne.”

He tuned them out in favour of motioning Louis over to him. Louis followed, since their mums were engaged in a conversation and Harry contested that adult discussions were rather boring. 

“Thanks, Lou,” Harry murmured, feet shuffling together, and he gave him a wet kiss on his cheek because that was what his parents did all the time when they were thankful. Louis grinned crookedly and ruffled Harry’s short hair before he planted a kiss on his cheek as well, making Harry blush for some reason. “You’re welcome, Harry!”

And sure he didn’t realise it then, but that was when Louis stole his heart away, with one smile, one kiss, and a pair of really blue eyes. 

His mum and Jay hit it off quite well and soon Louis became a permanent fixture in his life even when things seemed to fall apart. Through divorces, new siblings (on Louis’ part), and unsurprising revelations about their sexualities, Louis was always there and Harry was grateful, he was, honestly. It just left Harry, years later, with a hole in his heart that was Louis-shaped while Louis was unabashedly single and proud of it. 

It was a blessing and a curse to be Louis’ best friend, pros being Louis’ friend of course and cons being Louis’ _friend and friend only_. The constant affection —hands on his waist, friendly kisses on the cheek or forehead, the never-ending terms of endearment— and utter lack of personal space made Harry live in a fantasy world where Louis loved him like Harry loved him. But then there were days when Louis visited his dorm, looking refreshed and smelling of sex and the fantasy world shattered. And slowly and quite pathetically if he might add, Harry quietly rebuilt the world from the ground up only waiting for Louis to destroy it and repeated the process over and over and over again.

He was quite the masochist. 

It was okay though, _great_ even because Harry had spent years dealing with this, but then their dynamic changed.

Here was the dilemma: Louis and Harry were out with their mates window shopping because there was nothing else to do and Louis brought an antique ring, hoping to pawn it off to get some quick cash. It was a small, old thing, all rusted and gold, but it had its charm. The pawnbroker didn't take it because of the minuscule crack down the middle of the jewel, so Louis just shrugged and handed it to Harry without a thought.

“Here have it, darling,” Louis said and Harry's heart shouldn't have pounded that loudly in his chest because this wasn’t a proposal, not even close, but Harry smiled brightly, ignoring the laughs of the others, and shoved it on his ring finger. “You wear jewellery.” Like Harry didn’t notice the various rings decorating his hands already. 

“When’s the wedding, Lou?” he teased even though his palms felt sweaty at the thought of marrying Louis. He was shocked his hands weren’t trembling. He should have majored in theatre instead of psychology with his acting at that moment.  

“Ah, shut it, Haz,” Louis replied, shoving his shoulder gently before chatting with their other friends. Niall’s loud guffaws and Liam’s chuckles all fell to a quiet static buzz when his gaze dropped down to his hands. Harry’s smile fell as Louis turned around and he fiddled with the added weight on his ring finger. It felt right and the warmth in his chest grew because it was from Louis, his Louis. It probably didn't matter— no, it _didn’t_ matter at all to Louis, but Harry didn’t care. He let out a sad, little breath and muttered, “If only…”

“C’mon, babes,” Zayn said, placing his hand on his shoulder. “Pub crawl night.”

He shook himself out of his thoughts and followed the others to their first bar. 

 

* * *

 

Harry was completely and utterly _smashed_. He was a bit of a lightweight and after their third pub and _n_ th drink, he couldn’t tell from his right from his left for the life of him. Harry giggled into Liam’s arm, hugging him tight. He was affectionate type when drunk and Liam was perfect for a good cuddle. “‘nother drink! Neil, Nole, Ne-all? Mate, ‘nother drink please,” he rambled, not seeing the soft look on Niall’s face. 

“Sorry, petal, I think that was your limit for tonight,” he said amiably. “I’ll get you some water.”

“No, no, no, nooo,” he slurred, wobbling as he walked into Zayn who almost dropped his own beer. Zayn clasped a strong arm around his waist to steady him and Harry gave him a dimpled grin in gratitude. 

Zayn grinned back. “Yeah, I think that’s it for you then.”

Harry rolled his eyes and he got a bit dizzy, so he shuffled closer to Zayn for a second. “Fine, I’ll get my own drink. Tossers.”

Niall snorted. “Good luck trying to walk to the bar, H.”

Harry took that as a challenge and stood up to his full height, determined. He was ready to go to the bar, but then he saw Louis leaning his back against the counter, legs splayed out and shoulders relaxed, and so obviously pulling. He was a wonder to watch and admire, blue eyes gazing up at the other man who was entranced by Louis. Well, he couldn’t exactly blame the man. Louis was beautiful and his aura commanded attention. 

Harry suddenly felt his stomach churn in jealousy and his face grow pale. He stumbled to the bathroom, ignoring the others’ yells when he flung the stall open and threw up. 

He didn’t know how long he had been there when Louis came in, tying up his hair into a little bun with the elastic he always had on his wrist specifically for Harry. Louis crouched down and Harry’s eyes filled with unshed tears because for all Louis has grown, he had never changed; he was still the boy that helped him when he was in need. 

“Oh, love,” Louis sighed, reaching out and wiping Harry’s face with a napkin before throwing it down the toilet and flushing it. “Let’s get you home.”

Harry nodded sluggishly, following Louis as he flagged down a cab that took them down to Louis’ flat. Honestly, he spent more time there than in his own dorm. He wanted to move in with Louis in the first place and Louis had adamantly agreed with him, but his mum persuaded him to try out the dorms for his first year at least and he couldn’t say no to his mum. But Louis lived just a few blocks from the campus and his roommate was practically nonexistent (Harry only saw him once and the other man was leaving); his own roommate was pretty awful, so most of his time was spent at Louis’. 

The moment they entered the flat, Harry shrugged off his clothes and wobbled to the bathroom to clean himself up. He fumbled through the closet to put on some pants before he flopped down on Louis’ bed, groaning as he curled up into himself. Louis shuffled in after him, carrying a glass of water and paracetamol before he placed it on the bedside table.  

“Just drink some water for now, darling,” Louis crooned gently, stroking a hand through his hair and taking out the elastic in the process. Harry pulled himself up and took a few sips before he laid back down, tired and much too emotional. Louis rubbed his back and sung under his breath, “Bedtime for you, my lovely Hazza, bedtime for you…”

With that, Harry was asleep in seconds with Louis’ steady heartbeat in one ear and his voice in the other. 

 

* * *

 

Everything felt like shit. It was like he woke up with a cotton ball superglued to his mouth and someone had taken a sledgehammer and had a party with it in his head. He spotted the half empty glass and pill before he downed the small capsule and washed it down with the remainder of the water. Louis stirred besides and grumbled, “It’s too early, darling, come back to bed.”

Harry glanced down at the ring still on his finger and smiled despite himself. He washed up in the bathroom before he returned to their bed, ready to wake Louis up before he went out. He said, “I need to go to class, Lou.”

Louis cracked open an eye and read the time before closing it back shut. “Not for another hour, you don’t. Give me cuddles.” 

And who was Harry to deny Louis such a demand. He slid back into Louis’ embrace and rested against the warm pillow, one arm slung around Louis’ waist and lips so close to his that a piece of paper separated them. He was in the state of half-awake and half-asleep when Niall gambolled into their room, bringing a breakfast sandwich and pulling Harry away from Louis. And wasn’t Niall just a metaphor for his love life. 

“C’mon, Harry,” Niall said as he bit into his own food. “Class starts in fifteen and you promised me lunch after.”

“Could’ve skipped and still bought you lunch, you know,” Harry mumbled, pulling out a pair of black joggers that were most definitely Louis’ and his lavender sweater he left out on the armchair awhile back. He hesitated for a second before he threw on Louis’ denim jacket on because it was cold outside and it smelled like Louis. He was weak, okay? He knew it too. 

Niall shrugged. “Eh, I was already up and I wanted to check up on you.”

“I’m fine, just… in slight pain,” he answered, munching on his sandwich. Louis shuffled into the lounge, sipping his tea. Harry bent down to tie his bootlaces when Louis pressed a kiss on his mess of curls. Harry fought the urge to blush and continued his task. “I’ll see you later, Hazza-love.”

“Bye, Lou,” he said and then Niall threw an arm around his shoulder as they headed down the grey pavement that lead towards their school. Harry shoved his hands into the pockets and he absentmindedly played with the ring Louis gave him, heart still jolting in his chest. He was pitiful. Unrequited love was a pain in the ass, but he was still wearing the ring so the joke was on him.

 He just hoped Louis won’t notice if he kept the ring on. 

 

* * *

 

Of course, someone up there hated him because a few days after Louis noticed the glint of gold on his finger. Fate, God, Cupid even— one of them had it out for Harry. Louis fucking noticed. Well, Harry’s hopes weren’t that high in the first place because for all of Louis’ playfulness, he was rather observant. And more so after years of close proximity, Louis was rather attuned to all things Harry related. He was surprised when Louis didn’t catch on the first day, but Harry liked to think it was because Harry regularly wore rings and other forms of jewellery, so an added one was nothing to look out for. But Louis being Louis and he caught on and teased him. “Hazza, you still have that old thing?”

“Of course,” he said defensively, meaning for it to be lighthearted but failing. Louis grinned at him and linked his fingers with Harry’s, making his heart stutter to the beat of Louis’ name. Louis didn’t make any further comment, but Harry wanted to sink into a deep hole and hide. How embarrassing, wearing a stupid ring  ~~ _no not stupid not stupid it was his and it was precious_ ~~ that Louis gave to him for a laugh. Harry hid his shame and ignored the concerned look Liam gave him when he quickly shoved the ring into his jean pocket when Louis wasn’t looking. If Liam confronted him, he wouldn’t survive a lecture; he looked too much like a kicked puppy with his furrowed eyebrows and sad frown. And that expression directed at him? No, thank you. 

It was settled; he wasn’t going to wear the ring anymore. 

Except he did. Not like he used too though. Harry only wore it on his finger when Louis and the lads weren’t with him, but he slid the ring on his necklace when they were. He couldn’t part with it because it made Harry feel so loved even when he knew he wasn’t, so he clung to it, making it his anchor when he was lost in the dark sea of self-doubt and loathing. 

Hiding the ring via necklace didn’t help since half his wardrobe consisted mostly of button ups and he hated doing it up all the way. He loved leaving three or four buttons undone because that was his _thing_ , but between the buttons or the necklace, the decision was obvious. Being restricted by a collar was a hundred times better than being caught with the ring hanging near his heart. He was a poor sap in love; he should get a free pass for that one. He had even avoided going to Louis’ flat as well because it was hard enough hiding it in public, it would have been unbearable to hide it in private. His dorm was too cold and his roommate never airs out the room after a bout of sex and it didn’t feel right sleeping in a bed without Louis by his side, but he managed— he lived. 

So when it was lads night out again, he dutifully does all his buttons and heads outside to meet them. Louis walks up to him and touches his shirt, making a noise of confusion. “Don’t you hate it like that?”

Harry did his best to shrug, all nonchalant and aloof, before he replied, “Felt like it.”

And that was that. He counted that night as a win because he got pleasantly drunk and the only person Louis went home with was him. (He was extra careful in putting the ring under his t-shirt before he climbed into bed— hiding the ring didn’t feel like a big burden when the rope to his anchor held him tightly.) The morning after was even better because he didn’t wake up with a splitting headache and he got to make Louis breakfast, full English because he loved being domestic even when he was just a kid and he loved it when Louis, still sleepy and gorgeous, hugged him from behind when he was at the stove. Getting the last batch of bacon out of the pan and onto the plate, Harry grinned as he moved towards the counter. Every moment was disgustingly sweet and Harry loved every second of it. 

Louis leaned back in his chair, rubbing at his stomach and groaning. “Thanks, darling. That was amazing.”

“No problem, Lou,” he said while Louis cleared up the table without another word. God, Harry really loved Louis. Arse over tit in love and he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

“We still on for a visit to Mum?” Louis asked, dropping a kiss to Harry’s temple. And by ‘mum’ Louis meant his and Harry’s because just like Harry and Louis were a pair, so were Anne and Jay. 

“Course,” he affirmed, “it’s been ages since I’ve seen the girls and Ernie. I miss them. I think Gemma’s coming too. It’ll be fun.”

“You’re such a weird one, Haz,” Louis comments, blue eyes glinting, “no one’s version of fun is hanging out with tweens and babies.”

Harry huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “‘m not weird. I just love babies and families. And you have fun too, so.”

“I know, love,” Louis said, a fond expression on his face. “I’m just joking, now let’s pack. I drive to, you drive back.”

 

* * *

 

Harry had fallen in love with Louis millions of times. Even now, he could feel his heart grow bigger when he saw Louis singing the tunes on the radio. Or in the morning when Louis smiled at him with the corners of his eyes crinkling with joy. Or when Louis stubbed his toe trying to move their shared luggage into the boot. Or when Louis rambled on about his siblings and how much they had probably grown over the last few months. Or when Louis cursed when he dropped his phone under his seat when he tried to answer a call as he drove. He was a goner. Harry might not be infinite, but his love for Louis definitely was— ever expanding and so strong it could surpass death and travel the stars. 

The ring lying over his heart felt like a hot cup of tea on a cold day and he itched to play with it and place it on his finger for the world to see because he wanted to show everyone that he loved Louis and he was so proud to witness the sun shining so bright it hurt sometimes. But Louis was there and for all of Harry’s confidence, he grew shy at the thought of being so transparent. He wasn’t ashamed, not in the slightest; it was just difficult to express your love when the object of his affections didn’t know about it.

Minutes flew by with him by Harry’s side and Louis’ fingers tapped the wheel absentmindedly as he navigated down the road. It didn’t take long for them to reach his parents’ house. He and Louis usually stayed there when they visited, partly because they didn’t want to inundate Jay with two more people to care for and his mum adored Louis like her own son. It was a win-win situation and they always went to Jay’s for dinner anyway. (A tiny, part of Harry revelled in the domesticity of it all and he always imagined that he and Louis would one day live like that.) 

“Harry!” his mum yelled and pulled him into a tight hug. He smiled widely and wove his arms around her. “It’s been ages since you’ve visited.” 

She let him go when Louis stepped inside to hug him. “Oh and don’t think I forgot about you, love. I think you forgot about me though. You _never_ call me anymore.”

Louis giggled, holding out the bag to Harry so he could properly give her a nice welcome. “Sorry, Anne. Uni’s been kicking me up the head lately. I promise to call more, won’t I, Haz?”

“Course,” he said. “I’ll remind him every day, Mum.” 

His mum and Louis continued to talk while he put their things up to their room. He passed by Robin, giving him a quick greeting as he set the bag down near his dresser. Nothing had changed since the last time he came over and it gave him a warm feeling, much akin to the one he always felt near Louis because this room was his childhood, his home. And Louis was his home too.

“Hazza!” Louis yelled, sound muffled over the closed door. “C’mon, Mum’s house next after we get the girls from school. I already texted Mum we’ll pick them up.”

A grin stretched across Harry’s face and he bounded off to Louis, barrelling into him. Louis laughed and righted them both. He said, “Darling, slow down they’re only a short drive away.” 

Harry pouted then hugged his mum and Robin again, saying their goodbyes.

Robin said, “Ah, we’ll see you at Jay’s in a few hours anyway. Have fun with the girls.”

Then he and Louis were on the road again, only for a few minutes because they quickly reached the school and parked themselves across the street. Harry and Louis reminisced about the times they were in primary school, goofing off and playing pranks when the last school bell rang out and a trickle of students left the gates. They both got out of the car and Harry offered to walk down the block to Lottie’s school. The last he saw of Louis was three small girls hugging him. Funny how the further away Louis was, the urge to place the ring on his finger grew. 

His strides were long and quick and he got there just in time to see Lottie waving her friends goodbye. Harry said, only a few meters away from her, “Lottie Tomlinson, as I live and breathe.”

Lottie turned around and gasped. He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her tightly. “Harry, what are you doing here?” 

“We’re visiting for the weekend,” Harry said, strolling down the street with Lottie by his side. They chatted about nothing for a bit until they reached Louis, getting the bunch in their car. For all their friends teased them about getting a people carrier and acting like an old, married couple with kids, it was rather useful. Lottie jumped and hugged Louis before she climbed into their car. Louis asked, “All buckled up, girls?”

A chorus of yeses was yelled at them and Louis took off to Jay’s house, the ring a fading thought in the back of his mind. 

 

* * *

 

Dinner with the Tomlinson-Styles(-Deakin-Cox-Twist) family was always a rather chaotic affair and this one was no different from the rest. With all the girls dropped off, Harry and Louis lounged around the living room, looking after the youngest twins while their parents chatted in the kitchen. 

And all Harry could say was that he was a wreck. Louis surrounded by babies with the biggest smile on his face was quite a sight to behold. He should have been used to it; he had seen Louis around all of his sisters, but every single time Harry fell victim to his emotions. Louis was just such a good big brother, letting the little ones trample around, but always keeping a protective eye over them. 

“‘azza,” Doris yelled, crawling over to where he laid on the floor. Her short limbs moved haphazardly over the floor to get closer to him and Harry giggled, placing her on his tummy. She gave him a toothy grin and started to babble and he nodded, pretending to understand the conversation with interested eyes. Her hands waved around and Harry made a mistake of looking over at Louis, who had little Ernie tucked in his lap. Harry’s heart ached from all the love it held. All of his daydreams were wrapped up in this one moment, Louis giving him such a soft, fond look with a baby in his arms. 

Domesticity never looked this attractive in his life. 

“Love,” Louis said, carrying Ernie with him and a sock covered foot pushed into his side, making him squirm for a bit. “Scooch.”

Harry shuffled, so that Louis could lay next to him, mirroring his position. He put Ernie on his stomach, so that the twins could talk to each other and he watched them for a bit before he turned his head, catching Louis’ eyes, and the world slowed to a stop.

It was as if Harry had been floating, adrift and weightless in the sea of Louis’ ocean eyes, but then Louis linked his pinky with his and that was the only anchor he needed to stay tethered to reality. Louis’ gaze flickered to his lips and Harry could feel himself burning up with the need to kiss him.

“Boys,” Gemma said, breaking them from their little moment, and Harry’s head snapped towards her. Louis sat up, waving at her with one hand while the other kept Ernie steady on his lap. She cocked an eyebrow at him and Harry scrambled to follow Louis, keeping Doris protected in his arms. 

“Louis, can you help me with this?” Jay asked from another room and Louis handed Ernie to Gemma while he popped to check in with his mum, but not without squeezing Harry’s shoulder on the way out. Harry fidgeted with Doris’ outfit in his hands as Gemma sighed, sitting down next to him. She nudged his arm and commented, “You do know you’re not as subtle as you think you are.”

“Shut up,” he murmured into Doris’ hair. He took a breath and took the necklace from under his shirt and showed her the ring that’s been his biggest comfort as well as his biggest fear. He thumbed the little imperfections and smiled, though it was tinged with a bit of sadness. 

“He gave this to me a few weeks ago— not the way you’re thinking.” He chuckled, tucking the piece of jewellery back in his shirt. “God, I wish, but I’ve been so pathetic lately.”

She looked like she was about to hit him for his blatant self-deprecation, but he shook his head and tried to explain, “No, Gems, he was trying to sell it, but the pawnbroker didn’t take it. God, he didn’t even _want_ to give it to me in the first place, but I wear this thing around everywhere because it’s like he loves me. Like he’s mine and I’m his.”

“Stop,” she said, firm; he turned towards her and scowled, but she continued, “Harry, Louis loves you. He’s in love with you and he’s probably felt that way for as long as you have. It wasn’t my place to tell you what you should do, but I’m tired of seeing you two idiots dance around each other for this long.”

“Gemma, I would know—” he started, rolling his eyes.

“You might be his best mate, but I’ve seen you grow up together and no matter what you think you know, Louis loves you,” Gemma interrupted him. “You’re blind, H. You really don’t see the way he looks at you.”

Harry kept quiet, mind racing because Gemma sparked a flicker of hope in his chest and he desperately wished Louis won’t put it out. But then footsteps rushed over to the lounge and Harry was surrounded by a flock of rowdy Tomlinsons and his mind was quickly distracted, though Gemma’s words still stuck with him for the rest of the day and even on the drive back home. 

 

* * *

 

Harry stomped over to the table where Fionn, his first friend he made when he started his studies, sat and fell into the seat across him, groaning as he laid his head on the table. Fionn barely flinched, only raising a lone eyebrow before he continued to eat his sandwich. Harry needed advice and going to Niall or Liam or Zayn first was too much for Harry to handle, so Fionn was a wonderful option in his opinion. He turned his head to look up at him and pouted. “Fionn, you’re my friend, right?”

“Yes, Harry,” he droned dutifully and Harry picked himself up and grabbed Fionn’s hands, not even minding the food clutched between it. He stared into Fionn’s eyes, giving him a serious look. 

“So you’ll tell me if I’m being an idiot,” Harry said, desperate because his talk with Gemma still rang quite loudly in his ears. The idea that Louis loved _him_ was laughable. Harry would be the first one to know about that; he’d been around Louis long enough to notice his lovesick mood.   

“Harry, if this is about Louis, you _are_ an idiot.”

Harry frowned. Fionn was an oddball. How did he know that? Harry said, “Now that’s a bit rude, innit.”

“You do this everyday.” Fionn looked with unamused eyes.

“I do not,” he huffed.

“Yes, you do. You love Louis and Louis obviously adores you, now please stop holding my hands hostage, Harry. I want to eat sometime today.”

Harry rolled his eyes and released the grip on Fionn’s hands. Okay, maybe he did need to go to the others. Harry bit his lip then stood up abruptly, shouting goodbyes at Fionn before he walked outside, texting Niall first to meet him outside his dorm. Fionn’s words gave him a little more hope, but he needed to tell the others as well. 

It didn’t take long for Niall to show up, but his nerves began to bubble in his stomach. Harry was going to tell them about his unrequited feelings for Louis and he didn’t know at all how it would go.

Harry’s thumb rubbed over the finger where Louis’ ring previously laid, taking in the small piece of comfort it offered, before he shuffled over to where Niall was waiting for him and hooked his chin over his shoulder. It was a testament of their friendship when Niall didn’t even flinch as Harry wrapped his arms around him in a tight squeeze. Harry lips tilted upwards for a bit then drooped down to his previous frown.

“Niall,” Harry said, but his tone was questioning.

Niall hummed, pocketing his phone. “Yes, pet?”

Harry’s arms loosened when Niall turned around and raised an eyebrow. He fidgeted with the other rings on his hand and Niall’s gaze flickered over to the slight movement. “Niall, I love Louis.”

Niall’s blue eyes softened and he pulled Harry into a hug. “Oh, H, I know.”

Harry didn’t notice that Liam and Zayn joined them until big arms wrapped them into a hug. Harry blinked, looking up when he saw Liam’s brown eyes giving them such a fond look, Zayn smiling at them from behind Liam’s broad frame. Liam let them go, but still kept an arm around them both. “Hey, lads, group hug time? What’s wrong?”

Harry felt the flush on his cheeks rise, but he rushed the words out because it just felt so _good_ to say out loud, “I love Louis.” And Harry felt something like pride mixed with a tinge of relief because he did it. Harry said it and this supernova of a declaration wasn’t trapped underneath his skin. It had stewed up in his chest for more than a decade and he was so fucking glad that it was out in the open to his closest friends. Harry giggled, unprompted, but the joy in his chest had to be let out somehow. “God, I love Louis Tomlinson.”

Harry turned to Liam saw his eyes crinkling in a way that Harry could only describe as pure happiness. Zayn just pulled him into hug, ruffling up his hair when Liam said, “Sunshine, I’m so proud of you. Thank you for telling me.” 

Harry bounced on his feet and tackled Liam into a bear hug because Liam was just so good to him and he didn’t deserve friends like him. Harry felt Zayn and Niall’s presence like a warm blanket, surrounding him in comfort. Now, if only Harry could find it in himself to say those words to Louis.

“I don’t know if Louis feels the same, but I have to tell him,” Harry said, wringing his hands together once they broke apart and sat down. 

He missed the looks they all shot each other and Zayn piped up, “H, I’m pretty sure Louis loves you.”

Harry shrugged, unconvinced. “He loves me, but as a friend. I would’ve noticed if he liked me _in that way_.” It feel like he was back in primary school, but Harry was at a loss for words.

Niall threw an arm around his shoulder and pulled him in tight. “We would be surprised if Louis wasn’t already in love with you, petal. But we’ll be here rooting for you.”

Harry leaned into his warmth. He said, “I love you guys.”

And Harry felt himself smile when they all said it back.

 

* * *

 

He was drowning, losing himself in his thoughts and struggling to even breathe because he was lonely. Lonely and longing for the reassurance of love; Harry knew what love meant. God, he did. Love meant the tingle of joy in his belly, the way his lips seem to inexplicably turn into a grin, the rough scratch of beard on his neck after cuddling, the soft laugh when he told an embarrassing joke, the warm hands gripping his waist. 

Love meant Louis. 

But to Louis, love didn't mean Harry. And that was the crux of his situation, wasn't it? Harry had loved Louis like it was a simple fact of life. 

The sky was blue. Cookies were better eaten warm. Harry loved Louis. 

And it was so easy to just fall under, bury himself in Louis’ embrace because he _could_. Harry succumbed to the fleeting feeling of being adored for the few seconds he was allowed because the opportunity was there. Louis was so accommodating too, making grabby hands at his hips, kissing his cheek, just giving Harry so much affection that this love in his heart grew so much that Harry was beginning to feeling the overwhelming weight of it. It hurt because love was supposed to be freeing. Instead Harry was shackled to the ground because Louis was flying, weightless and carefree while the gravity of his love seemed to shove him deeper into despair. 

Maybe if Louis loved him, Harry could fly too.

He felt the words clog up in his throat and he just couldn’t do it, couldn’t say the words and Harry felt like a fucking failure because he promised himself he would tell Louis. But as he stared at the way Louis’ skin gleamed in the dim light, nothing left his mouth. He pulled his knees to his chest and tried to remember how to breathe. He didn’t want the possibility of a relationship to ruin years of friendship. God, what if Louis stopped talking to him? What if he felt uncomfortable being near him? No, what if Louis _pitied_ him?

No, Louis would never hate him or even stop being his friend because he wasn’t like that. He was so kind and so loving, but Louis feeling sad for Harry? That would thrust him in a pit of shame for the rest of his life. Becoming the friend that had stupidly loved someone was too much for Harry to think about.

“Darling, you okay?” Louis asked, pushing into Harry’s intrusive thoughts and offering comfort and Harry began to cry. Louis’ arms immediately wrapped around his body, hands stroking his curls and he felt himself melt into his embrace. He unravelled himself and moved to lay his head on Louis’ chest, like he was making himself a home where Louis’ heart was. 

“What happened, sweetheart,” Louis murmured, concern dripping with each word.

“Not now, Lou,” he hiccuped, but his body was already so drained that he could feel himself falling asleep. 

“I’ll be here whenever you want to talk.” Louis shifted a bit, so that he could place the blanket around their entwined bodies. “Sleep, love, I’ll take care of you.”

And in a few minutes, Harry nodded off in Louis’ arms.

 

* * *

 

Waking up to Louis perfectly embodied the feeling of home. Harry looked at Louis’ sleeping figure and felt so much love for him. And in this flat, in the bed where they laid with the little rays of light filtering through their window, Harry felt at ease. It was as if Louis had washed away his loneliness during the night with his soft words and gentle hands. 

And then it clicked. It was time.

“Louis,” he whispered, not wanting to break the still silence, and Louis moved slightly, a little groan rumbling in the back of his throat. 

He didn’t open his eyes, but his lips cracked open to say, “Yes, love.”

“I have to tell you something important. I was gonna tell you yesterday, but I was scared. Fuck, I’m still terrified.” Harry bit his bottom lip and Louis opened his pretty eyes, looking concerned and then his hand rubbed Harry’s back with soothing strokes. Harry cleared his throat and said, “Lou, I’m so in love with you.”

The hand on his back froze and Harry rushed to say more, “ ‘m sorry, Lou. I don’t want this to change us, but I just wanted to—”

Then Louis cut him off, a sigh of a word escaping his lips, “ _Baby_ …”

And then his half-lidded eyes dropped down to Harry’s lips and Louis gazed at him, the unsaid question clear in his eyes and Harry’s breath hitched in his chest. He nodded, a slow movement because this moment was fragile; he didn’t want to ruin anything. Louis closed the millimetre of distance between their lips and Harry melted into him. He was buzzing and he felt like a fucking live wire, the electricity in his veins sparked so brightly, because he got to touch, taste, just _feel_ Louis kiss him.

When they broke apart, minutes later or maybe hours Harry couldn’t tell for the life of him, Louis grinned at him and said, “I love you so much, baby. I can’t believe you didn’t notice that I’ve been so fucking in love with you for years.”

Louis’ hands clutched the back of Harry’s neck and his fingers snagged on his thin, silver chain. Harry blushed when those fingers lingered and traced their way down his chest to pick up the ring that had laid over his heart for weeks. Louis sighed, smiling. “You kept it.”

He nodded, a little shy suddenly. “It made me feel, I dunno, like you loved me. It was a part of you that you gave to me even if you didn’t really mean it.”

“God, I love you. You’re so wonderful,” Louis said, kissing him with each word. “You know, I didn’t really want to sell it. It was Grandad’s ring and he told me to give it to someone special, but I couldn’t just hand it to you because I thought that might scare you off. So I asked the pawnbroker if he could say no.”

Harry’s jaw slackened. Just a bit. His hand covered Louis’ and they both held the ring in their fingers. All that left his mouth was a soft “Lou” because he was at a lost for words; it was mind boggling with the new knowledge that Louis loved him and gave him the ring on _purpose_.

Harry giggled, for no reason other than the bubbling joy in his chest, and he covered Louis in kisses until he began laughing with him. 

“I love you, Lou,” he said again because he could.

“I love you too, baby,” Louis replied.

And in this room, in their bed with their love overflowing their hearts, Harry cuddled close to Louis and _lived_. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Send me prompts on my [tumblr](http://tightropeofhope.tumblr.com/) if you want!! It's also rebloggable on [this](http://tightropeofhope.tumblr.com/post/165446670971/baby-hold-on-to-my-heart-by) post here too !!


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